Deep Thoughts

“I hope that someday we will be able to put away our fears and prejudices and just laugh at people.” – Jack Handey

Sometime it is rough having a lot of expectations of myself in my life of myself and of others. Having to deal with the reality of those thoughts and how applicable or how unapplicable they can be when things in my life include more than just myselm is something that I struggle to deal with mentally at times. I try to hold myself to such a high standard, that when its time and other people let me down, it is hard for me to not blame myself for such shortcomings, because I really just expect the best out of people and typically they do not offer that to me. I am learning to deal with this thought process I developed at some point of my life, but often it is not so easy to just up and decide to change who I am or otherwise adapt to circumstances in different ways. I am learning that life is too short, like the rapper, and I have such a small amount of control of what even goes on in my own life that I am doing my best to release the control of those things and learning to just pick and choose my battles more carefully.

Overall, I am quite lucky to have the friends and family I do. Both here and back at home, I have been a lucky person to be surrounded by the individuals that have decided, or not decided, to be a part of my life.

– Ryan

Doin’ work.. if a vacation counts

Hey Everyone,

Sorry it has taken me so long to write. In case you have forgotten, I do still live in Cambodia, I am still a Peace Corps Volunteer, and I am on Month #7 in this country. I am recently coming back from a vacation to the beach town of Sihanoukville, which was good and great, to get away and relax after working for that amount of time and good because I could rest for more than a day before having to travel back to my post here. Anyway, sorry for the time between updates, but I am busy and trying to focus on what is going on here, plus my internet was down for a decent amount of time, all in all, it means less updates. This is a trend that may or may not continue, depending on how bored I get.

Everything here is still good and fun. My basketball teams won the district tournament, because no other teams showed up. We were the only team from my school to win, even if it was by default, so that is good and something to be proud of, sort of. I need to continue to push the boys though, because they are capable of being quite good, and the girls are willing but still a bit young to really get the hang of everything.

Time here is a funny thing. Sometimes it moves incredibly fast, and other times it can feel like one glob and there are no real days or nights, just different periods. I also feel like there are really only two periods of times for me as it relates to work as well. I feel like im either sick all the time and dont go to work or when I am close to healthy, I go to work and feel like I am playing catch up. We are getting close to the time of the year that things really slow down in the classroom so maybe I will be able to feel like I get over the hump at some point, but I guess I am not really counting on that.

On to the Chargers. If anyone was wondering, their loss to the Jets was quite bittersweet for me. Of course I always want them to succeed and win, but this was a little different seeing as how I could not really enjoy the victory in Cambodia so much. I was becoming quite worried that I might miss the possibility of the Chargers being in the Super Bowl, and since they only have one more shot to do so while I am gone, I am a little relieved at that thought. I wish they would not have choked, but maybe things will work out better later for me (and them). It does suck that I was unable to see any of their games, but I am planning on sending them a request for copies of the game films.

I have been enjoying trying to decide where I want to travel while I am here and in this area. There are a lot of places I would like to go, and while some of them may have to wait until I am done with my service, its still nice to be able to think about such things while I am here. It keeps my mind busy. Some ideas I am kicking around are India and Russia, in no particular order or plan, but it would be great to do them both on different occasions. What can I say, I am basically a neighbor to them so why not?

I hope everyone is doing well and holding down the fort for me while I am gone. I am in the process of uploading some real tonnage of pictures right now, so I hope you enjoy those too, try to figure out what my new hobby to photograph is! The link is right here and here. Stay safe everyone, because you know I am!

– Ryan

Haiti Connection

Hey Everyone,

I am further away from this than probably everyone, but it really has hit me here as well. Maybe a month ago now, I had the lucky opportunity to meet some former VSA (Volunteer Service Abroad) from New Zealand who worked here in Cambodia back in 1996 or so, for about four years. In those times, they worked extensively with one of my closest allies here, Siphen, and they come back to visit for two or three months at time, bringing various tour groups with them to her home.

When I met them, I was having a rough time readjusting to things at my host site, some personal issues came up, and they really went out of their way to make me feel like someone cared about me, which obviously I know anyway with the family I have, but the physical presence at the time really made a difference for me as I am living in a country that cant always relate to my experiences.

Where this all connects is this article. The name of the couple I know is Roger and Jennie. Please keep them in your thoughts. I know I continue to do so.

Random Update

I have come to believe that I am really meant to be doing this right now. Maybe I dont know what my next step in my life holds, maybe I dont need to know, but being in Cambodia right now is truly what I need to be doing at this point in time.

I wake up every morning thinking that I have a job to do, responsibilities to helping the people of this country do whatever it is they can think of, and just feeling like I really belong here… even if all the people think maybe I am weird, or whatever it is. I just believe it, and I feel like I have a home here, even if at times it could be labeled as disjointed.

Im sure someday I will figure out what to do next, but I am having too much fun right now enjoying my life and I know it is the right thing for me to be here.

– Ryan

Trials and Tribulations

Well, as usual, my life has taken another twist and turn. My plans to get through this Peace Corps experience with a significant other have been wiped out, and now I must adapt my life yet again. Its tough to lose someone who was a big part of your life and a big part of your future plans, and I am hurting right now, but in reality I am not so overly stubborn about the truth of the matter and that is that its for the best that I move on and she move on with her life as well. Our modern culture in America does not really understand or allow people to have long distance relationships anymore, they are more often than not a thing of the past. There are times that I feel like my ideals about relationships are trapped in the past as well, and I have refused to update them in response to the ongoing change in our culture.

So I have yet another challenge ahead of me. At this exact moment, I am not all that stoked or really ready to handle it, but as the saying goes, time heals all wounds, this was just one of those times were I was hoping I wouldnt find out about it. I need to believe in myself and that is a large reason why I choose to come here, to believe in myself so much that I could get through this successfully. Alright peoples, I will holler at you later.